– “You want a divorce”, Julie repeated, stunned.

 

She needed to utter his last words so that they sounded real and not drawn out of some bad dream she had trouble waking up from. The blood pounded against her temples and she felt her veins tighten like a bowstring. The migraine invaded her mind, like a dark mist growing inside her skull. She had to repeat these words, concentrate on these sounds to penetrate their meaning through the chaos that was clouding her mind.

 

– “You want a divorce…”

 

She lowered her head, looking down at the white plastic stick still in her hand. The criss– crossing blue lines that had started out as pale, almost transparent shadows were now forming two very clean, sharp lines. She didn’t need to consult the test instructions. She knew that sign too well, the very same blue lines had told her she was expecting the twins three years ago. Those blue lines meant two words POSITIVE – PREGNANT. Two words that had sounded good news back then but now…

 

POSITIVE – PREGNANT – DIVORCE

 

Three words, three little words that were knocking her out. She stared at the test with trembling hands. Tears were blurring her vision but the lines remained crystal clear. Eric sat on the bed besides her, crossing his fingers nervously, keeping some distance obviously avoiding any physical contact with her.

– “I’ll support you whatever you decide to do. If you decide to have an abortion, I won’t stand in your way. That’s your decision.”

Julie remained silent, mentally replaying the last six months of their marriage and their joint decision to have one more child, the unsuccessful attempts, the dashed hopes month after month until today.

Now that’s my decision, you bastard! She turned her gaze to him and asked with a blank voice.

– “Why?”

– “It’s not you, it’s-”

– “Don’t give me that it’s–not–you–it’s–me piece of crap. Is there someone else?”

 

Eric stood up with a sigh and paced the room as if searching for the proper words.

– “Julie don’t get me wrong. I love you. You’re my first love, the mother of my kids. But I’m not in love with you any more.”

– “I still love you.” He whirled around and stared a her.

– “When was the last time we made love?”

She lowered her head towards the pregnancy test, ignoring the strands of blond hair that fell back onto her face and laughed nervously.

– “Obviously, two weeks ago we had.”

– “I’m not talking about intercourse in order to conceive. I’m asking you about lovemaking, about desire and passion. Let’s face it, Julie! This marriage looks more and more like a good partnership, a friendship rather than a loving relationship.”

– “But I’m still in love with you.”

– “You’re confusing friendship and tenderness with love. You’ve married your best friend”, he paused, reflecting. “Sometimes I wonder if you ever loved me.”

 

She looked up at him, tears rolling down her cheeks, and followed him with her gaze as he gathered a few things into a travel bag. At the door, he turned and said softy.

– “Don’t worry for the twins, I don’t intend to ask for full custody. Let me know what you decide for... You know.”

 

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